Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
