where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
