wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
