I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
