Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
