i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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