I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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