Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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