someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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