i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
