i was born a porn star she said
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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