when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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