My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
