That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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