totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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