Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i've created a new STD.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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