champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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