Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
