The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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