You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
