i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
