no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
