Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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