your room smells of hookers.
And success
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
