finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
