When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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