I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
