The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
