Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
