wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
