The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
