Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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