I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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