my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
