Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
