Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
