My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
