the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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