yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
