that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I showed him my bush... on skype.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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