dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
