I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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