I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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