The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
