There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
