she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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