What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
