I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
time to smoke my breakfast
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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