i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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