oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
