Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
